Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Enjoy the penises
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
