My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
