Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
