U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
