My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
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