This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All I want is dick and wine.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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