I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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