First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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