you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
