I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
