It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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