Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
