apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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