in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
