youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
