It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
