Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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