He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
