I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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