doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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