i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
