It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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