Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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