Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
