I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
