the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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