shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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