if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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