STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
