Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
