Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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