id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
