hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
