he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
