He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
