Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
