i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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