WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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