Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
