Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
