8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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