So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
