It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
