Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
