I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dicks are not precious.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
