We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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