i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
