i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
