he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
