i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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