Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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