I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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