I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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