Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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