Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
