You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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